Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
