if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
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Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
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I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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