just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
