I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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