go do what you do best...puke behind churches
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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