After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
