I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Threesome in a minivan. New low
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome