please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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