JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
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Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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