Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
