I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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