I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
