yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
