i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
