I hate your face
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
