the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
