new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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