Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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