he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
