At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Randomize
