I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
