Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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