No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
