Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
