1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
