whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
