something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
