Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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