Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
