I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
