Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
