Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
