you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
