YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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