dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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