I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So much Jack, so little girl.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He did a backflip because drugs
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
