Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.