You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
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She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
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This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE