dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.