i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"