stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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