I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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