if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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