Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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