Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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