is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
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I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
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I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize