Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
That accounts for only three of the penises
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I did not marry a roomba.
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