New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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