Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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