I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
