u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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