I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
