And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
