Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
