Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize