Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
