he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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