i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
