Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
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He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
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Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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