Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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