The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
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Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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