Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
