Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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