i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
