That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
