we have officially lost it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
